Discovering Tranquillity
by Deepening-Shadows
Summary: And why in the world did she think of a certain dark professor when the thought of love entered her mind? What could possibly possess her to even associate love with someone so obviously evil? My first fanfic! HG/SS
1. Unconscious Feelings

Discovering Hope

By: Fay_Fortchyn

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. :( It all belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Chapter 1 Unconscious Feelings

Hermione looked up from the book she'd been reading, the sentence she'd been unconsciously repeating in her head, her mind too set in the past to realize that her eyes had begun to blur with the tears she had not let fall in the days preceding the funeral. Or atleast, not in public, not like this.

Her gaze shifted to the whispering group who sat at the table not far from the chair she was sitting in. They were exchanging glances with each other, each face holding some form of sadness, despite the light conversation. None of them paid any attention to her, however, and for that Hermione was grateful.

She hastily wiped the tears from her eyes before they could betray her, and tried to listen to the conversation she'd been attempting to block out for the last half hour. Listening to the decidedly simple chatter was at least easier to bear than the thoughts that were harder to not pursue in the confines of her overactive brain.

Harry's voice penetrated the silence that she had not noticed needed to be broken. It was only a few seconds later that she realized that he was speaking to her. Her thoughts had been spiraling away yet again, and only the watchful gaze of three people stopped her incessant mind from traveling down dangerous paths.

"What?" Hermione asked, blinking dazedly for a couple seconds before focusing her gaze on her best friend.

"I asked you if you were alright," Harry said, concern showing on his face. Hermione looked from him to Ron and Ginny, whose faces mirrored his, and sighed.

"I'm fine, Harry, honestly," Hermione replied, knowing he would argue.

"Are you sure? You've been depressed ever since..." he trailed off, his unfinished sentence hanging in the air around them, stifling all thought and motion.

Hermione was the first to move, allowing her head to fall into her hands. "I think we all have been, Harry," she murmured before retreating from the otherwise deserted common room.

***

Tears streaked down her face, unhindered, as she lay back on her bed in her dormitory. She let them fall, forgetting that at any moment Ginny might come in and force her to talk, this time without the icy silence holding them back.

Her thoughts drifted, once again, down paths that she had been begging them not to travel since the day before, the day of the funeral and even longer, since _he_ had died. Yet this time, she couldn't control her need to know what she didn't want to figure out. How ironic. Harry and Ron had always hated those intermittant ideas that formed in her head when she least expected it.

As it was, she couldn't figure out exactly why she was so upset by the death of Albus Dumbledore. She missed him, of course, he had been her mentor, another intelligent mind wrapped around the concepts of the constant warfare. Yet, others had known him just as well, if not better, than she herself, and they could be found tearlessly, though despairingly, trying to get on with their lives. Why was she so... different?

She knew the answer, of course, the answer that had been the reason she had tried to keep her rampant thoughts from straying too far from the well-worn path they had traveled down so many times before.

Snape.

Severus Snape.

His betrayal had caused more pain than even the death of Dumbledore could elicit in her.

Why?

Was it because she had always stood up for him, even when Harry and Ron had turned their brash anger on him, knowing that he was a Slytherin and supposedly hated them with unmatched fury?

Or was it because, deep inside, it had always been her secret solace to know that he was out there constantly risking his life, if only to ensure the continuation of the lives of the 'stubborn Gryffindors', as he so acidly put it, that infuriated him beyond meaning.

Hermione sighed, audibly battling the feeling of remorse that swept over her.

She couldn't make sense of it. Every time she zeroed in on a reasonable explanation for the way she felt, her thoughts strayed to the dark, silent form of Severus Snape as his scornful gaze swept over her in that way that always made her feel insignificant.

More importantly, why did she even care?

Who was he, a murderer and traitor, to rule over her mind day and night, encompassing her thoughts with feelings of compassion and hatred, all brought together into one tangled knot?

Hermione closed her eyes, relinquishing herself to the darkness. Even that gesture turned her thoughts to her previous Potions master, as she recalled the dark, stifling classroom in which he took residence. She let out a long breath, willing herself to forget the man who had inflicted so much sadness on those she loved.

Yet, how could she?

She had always been intrigued by him. Terrified, sure, but also intrigued, in a strange way that she had never been able to put her finger on. Somehow he seemed...alluring, almost. Each snide comment he made, each flicker of emotion that was easily hidden, each point he docked, she felt her heart reach out to him, knowing that it was her outlook he was deteriorating, yet also knowing that he did it only out of thought to his position as 'Death Eater'.

She felt sick each time she realized that he really had chosen to be Voldemort's servant, rather than the courageous man she had always assumed was hidden just beyond the surface.

How stupid could she be?

And reflecting hopefully on that was, if possible, even more stupid.

_What is wrong with you, Hermione?_


	2. Despairing Situations

Chapter 2 Despairing Situations

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me… unfortunately. Oh well…

Hermione woke up the following morning, her brain tiredly registering that she must have fallen asleep while dwelling on the past the night before. She ran a hand through her unruly hair as she sat up. Her eyes scanned the room involuntarily, as though they expected trouble to be hiding somewhere, and she froze as she saw two large, brown eye staring at her.

"'Morning, Hermione," Ginny said, and something in her tone warned Hermione that the unfinished conversation from last night had not been forgotten. "I'm surprised you haven't gotten up yet. Usually you're up at the crack of dawn." A smile appeared on her face momentarily, but vanished as she saw Hermione stiffen, her meaning suddenly becoming clear to her sullen friend.

Hermione stiffened at Ginny's words, knowing without needing to ask, what she was referring to. Every day since Dumbledore's death, Gryffindor Tower had emptied so early in the morning that breakfast had only just been served in the Great Hall when they went down. It was an unspoken agreement between its members, partly because no one was able to sleep well anyway, partly because such leisures seemed unbefitting now that they knew what horrors lay in the world, to rise earlier than usual.

Hermione sighed, believing that Ginny wasn't really trying to berate her, merely stating in her round-about way that she was worried about Hermione.

"I'm sorry, Gin... I," Hermione started, but before she could continue, Ginny had moved from her position on the sofa to stand menacingly in front of Hermione, fury rolling off of her in waves.

"No, Hermione. You think you're the only one who's suffering right now? You have no idea what the rest of us are going through!" Ginny cried, her voice faltering a bit, but she continued in renewed determination, "We're all trying to get through this together, and then you just break away from us. Do you know how much that hurt Ron? Do you even care?"

"Ron?" Hermione asked, taken aback. She had been about to apologize for her behavior, knowing that her friends hadn't deserved for her to be so unforthcoming with her feelings. She had distanced herself from them needlessly, and she knew it. Yet, at the sound of Ron's name, her thoughts had stopped in surprise, and she blurted out his name without realizing it.

"Yes Ron! Have you not noticed how much he's been fretting about you lately? He can barely stand two minutes without you being mentioned," Ginny said, her voice dropping as her affection for her brother showed through her frustrated tone. "Have you truly not seen the way he's been looking at you?"

Hermione tensed on the bed, her body in the same position as it had been when the conversation started. The expression on her face seemed frozen forever in shock and disbelief. She shook her head slightly, mentally slapping herself for never realizing. "Ron?" she whispered again.

"He sent me up here," Ginny murmured, unconsciously lapsing into a more comforting tone. "He's been worried sick about you. You've been weirdly quiet lately, more so than usual, I mean," Ginny admonished with a slight smile. "You should go down and talk to him. I can drag Harry away if you want." Ginny meandered over to the door, throwing a hopeful glance at Hermione.

"Ginny, I..." Hermione faltered, not knowing what to say, or how to say it. "I.. I'm not in love with Ron," she offered weakly.

Whatever reaction Hermione had expected from Ginny, it was definitely not what happened next.

"What do you mean!?! He loves you! Always, he's always loved you, and you just..." Ginny sighed, her adrenaline rush failing her. She looked away, her face red from yelling, and walked out of the room.

Tears threatened to fall from Hermione's eyes as she watched Ginny leave the room in a swirl of red. She didn't even know why she had said that.

Then again, did she love Ron?

Just a few weeks ago, she would have said 'yes' without a second thought, but now, after what had happened... She wasn't sure anymore. Her feelings were so errotic that she was feeling so many different things at the same time.

She liked Ron, she knew, but love? Love seemed too fragile, too breakable, after the recent experiences she had had.

And why in the world did she think of a certain dark professor when the thought of love entered her mind? What could possibly possess her to even associate love with someone so obviously evil?

Her mind reeled, and she lay back on her bed, breathing hard and trying to stay in control, to forget the things that were running through her mind in the same mantra they had been for what seemed like forever.

"No!" Hermione screamed, allowing herself to slide off the bed into a defeated heap on the ground. The last thought that passed through her mind before she pulled herself together with a determination that would have surprised even the great Severus Snape himself, was _I can't do this._

***

Hermione left her room of six years an hour later, dressed and some-what ready to see her three best friends.

As she walked down the stairs, a voice called her name. "Hermione!" She didn't have to look to know who it was. She sighed, almost dramatically, and went down the stairs to meet Ron.

The moment she saw Ron, the moment she saw his characteristically happy face grinning at her, something within her awakened, and suddenly she was wishing he was someone else, that they were somewhere else, away from humanity, falling into the shadows of the night.

Tears sparkled momentarily in her eyes, threatening to break her concentration. Yet, she managed a weak smile as Ron bounded over to her from across the empty common room.

"Hey, 'Mione. I was wondering where you'd got to. Ginny looked pretty mad when she came down earlier, but she didn't say anything, so I didn't know..." he trailed off, the smile never leaving his face, though his eyes grew concerned as her smile faltered a bit at the mention of his sister.

"It's alright, Ron, I was just sleeping in." Her voice was, to her surprise, detached, and for a moment she entertained the notion that she sounded exactly like her former Potions Master always had, before she remembered who he was... and what he had done.

Hermione's thoughts stopped suddenly, as a frown appeared on Ron's face and a flash red hair flew past her and out of the common room. Hermione's shocked eyes looked from Ron's blank expression to Harry's horrified glances toward where Ginny had just been.

As Harry got up to follow Ginny out of the common room, Hermione collapsed into a chair near the fire, her tears warm against her cheeks._ I can't do this._

"'Mione? What happened?"

She looked up from the fire, and at her expression, Ron's eyes grew shocked, and his mouth opened and closed a few times, before he settled for just staring at her as though she wasn't a part of this world.

"It's alright, Ron," Hermione repeated, "You don't have to worry about it." She got up, retracing her steps back to her room, knowing that she only had hours before the Hogwarts Express came to take her ... home.

His next words both stopped her in her assent up the stairs, and tore her apart inside. _How could she possibly deserve this... this worry he held for her?_ "I want to help. I want to know what's bothering you."

Hermione turned around in slow motion, barely breathing though her heart was hammering in her chest. She surprised herself by answering him in almost an uncaring tone of voice, which probably made it all the harder to keep a straight face, knowing who she symbolized. "No you don't, Ron. Trust me, you don't."


	3. Misplaced Hatred ?

Chapter 3 Misplaced Hatred (?)

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling and not to some teenager (like me). :(

Hermione threw herself on her bed, her head aching, and her breath coming in short gasps. She didn't know a time she hated herself more than at that moment. What happened to her Gryffindor courage? Why was she stuck in this state of depression?

Was there something wrong with her? Is that why she was so ... obsessed with Snape? With the man who had ruined so many lives so far, including hers?

Her eyes unfocused slightly, as a new thought entered her already overstuffed brain. Had he only ruined her life because he was no longer in it? Because he had chosen to leave her behind?

How could she believe that? Leave _her_ behind? As if he cared about _her. She _was merely another person he had betrayed in his service to Voldemort.

Her self-hatred came back in full force, and she pushed everything away, all the unhappy, stray thoughts that had passed through her mind over the past couple of days, all the insistent memories that had appeared in her dreams.

She let herself drift away, and became once more the Hermione she had always been, or at least, the Hermione her friends had known... with one exception, one thing that her hatred still applied to. How could she possibly forgive herself for what she had done to Ginny? To Ron? He may not know it yet, but he would certainly find out. Ginny was notorious for spreading secrets, and this particular secret was going to be hard for her to bottle up.

She let those thoughts go as well, for the moment. She sat up on the bed, trying to calm herself, trying to make herself realize she was being stupid. _What would Snape think if he could read your thoughts right now, Hermione? Do you know what he would do? He'd laugh in your face, probably thinking of all the snide remarks he could make, all the..._

She didn't want to think about it.

Did she not have any human instincts that could put her on guard, and keep her from thinking about someone who was so obviously a danger to her? Where did that fit in with the feelings she was having? Was she even human?

Why was she letting him get to her like this? Heck, if he was here right now, she'd most likely just start crying all over again, oblivious to the fact that he was probably trying to kidnap her for some inane reason that she didn't want to think about.

She sat up on the bed, trying to figure out what was wrong with her, and how she could possibly be having these thoughts, thoughts that her friends would certainly hate her for having, thoughts that would make any_ normal_ human being shudder.

Her thoughts travelled in circles for a few more minutes, as her tired brain tried to make sense of the turmoil that she was experiencing.

Everything nagged at her, everything pulled her forward and pushed her away at the exact same moment, and all she could was 'grin and bear it.' How cliche. Hermione hated cliches, as was characteristic. How hard was it to think of a different way to say something that could make it sound more original?

Hermione almost laughed at her ... normal thoughts, so different from the previous ones she had been having, and this, more than anything, brought her to her senses.

Had she just laughed? Maniacally, even? What was wrong with her?

She lay back on the bed again, though this time it was more from exhaustion than exasperation. Her rampant thoughts fell away into the distance, and Hermione experienced the most peaceful sleep she had had since the day that the world had changed from happy and blissful, to dark and dreary.

***

Hermione awoke, her once rampant and forbidden thoughts hidden away behind a wall, her unconscious self having prepared her resolve for the conversation she knew would happen soon. She got up, her vault of secrets and memories locked and sealed, adequately enough. The key was, however, not to allow herself time to think about...him...no matter what.

The irony was not lost on her. How much did she resemble her former professor? Had he gone through this very process a long time ago, as he tried to conceal his true feelings from everyone? He, though, had probably thrown away any key that could unlock his emotions.

She sighed, again, forgetting that she had just involuntarily unlocked her vault. She sealed it again, her resolve once more in place, and she drifted out of her room and down the stairs, forgetting completely that her things still lay unpacked in her room, unprepared for the journey away from Hogwarts.

That is, until she saw three faces with mirrored expressions staring at her as those she was crazy, their hands resting on the luggage that lay before them. Her eyes widened, and she all but ran back up the stairs, thoughts of Snape gone almost completely from her mind.

She ran back down the stairs a few minutes later, her trunk floating in mid-air, and Crookshanks clasped tightly in her arms. She paused for a moment, catching her breath, and then looked up to see Ginny, Harry, and Ron staring at her with very different expressions on each face.

Ginny's face showed hatred, and her eyes portrayed and radiated that emotion. Harry had a concerned expression on his face, and seemed to be torn between voicing his thoughts, and keeping silent. Ron, however, seemed to be in between a concern that was slowly leaving his face, and a glowing happiness, which was ever-present in his expression. Hermione sighed inaudibly.

"Ready now?" Ginny asked, her tone showing her anger in every syllable. Before Hermione could answer, however, she was already out the portrait hole and away from the common room.

"What's up with her?" Ron asked, looking from Hermione to Harry, surprise evident on his face.

"Dunno. She was like that since this morning when..." he stopped, looking at Hermione, and at her expression and her darting eyes, he said, "Anyway, I should probably go catch her before she hexes somebody." He hurried out of the common room, and the room tensed as he left it.

"We should probably get going, everybody's already down..." Ron started, but he stopped at Hermione's expression, realizing that she wasn't leaving.

"It's okay, we still have a few minutes. I need to talk to you," Hermione began, not quite sure how to say what was on her mind, but knowing that if she didn't, she would only hurt him more as time wore on. "I know why Ginny was angry this morning."

Ron interrupted her incoherently, his face unreadable, though concern was hidden there among many other emotions, she was sure.

Hermione held up a hand to silence him, and continued hesitantly, "She was mad at me because I told her..." She stopped, visibly trying to pull herself together and find the words that could do nothing but hurt him.

"I told her... that I don't love you."

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A/N:

Hi! I hope you like the story. It's my first fanfic, so I'm not sure how good it will be, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job. (If I may say so myself.) Anyway, read and review, if you wish.


	4. Terrifying Yet Intriguing Realizations

Chapter 4 Terrifying, yet Intriguing Realizations

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

Ron froze instantly, not expecting this sudden change in conversation. His face paled and his once happy demeanor changed to a fearful complexion, his eyes filled with dread.

_How could she do this to him?_

Hermione watched as Ron's face changed in degrees, from his characteristic lopsided grin, to a frown that creased his forehead and ears that slowly turned a deep shade of red. His mouth was open slightly, as though he was willing himself to talk, but no sound would come forth.

Hermione swallowed thickly and met his shocked and betrayed eyes with fearful, yet determined eyes.

"I'm sorry, Ron, I just..." Hermione began, but found that she could give no incentive for her feelings. She gestured weakly, her hands trying to display a possible reason, with no apparent success.

She looked at him, expecting.... well, anything but the stony silence that had developed between them. His face still held a bit of the surprise it had obtained at her words, but his eyes had grown somewhat more calm. Calm, expect for the hidden, hectic turmoil that was probably going on inside of his mind, possibly the same turmoil she was still enduring about someone entirely different.

She stiffened and tried to concentrate on Ron's face, on his eyes that were trying to hold back tears, on anything. Anything but the black depths of her previous professor's cold eyes, as he stared at her with increasing agitation.

His voice brought her gratefully back to the present. "Why..." his voice faltered, "What..." again, his voice slipped from the question, and he suddenly turned away from her. "What do I say, 'Mione? I... Why did Ginny have to find out before me?" He turned back toward her, his eyes wild and filled with unshed tears.

"I... I don't know," Hermione offered, shaken by his abruptness.

"You don't know what? Why you weren't _brave_ enough to tell me? Why..." Ron spoke fiercely, but Hermione cut him off, shocked into speaking.

"Stop it! I know that you're angry. I'm sorry, it's just... I didn't know that I felt this way... I didn't know..." she trailed off, tears suddenly very close, and it was all she could do to not run away from him... from humanity.

_What had happened to her? Was is stress? Nerves? Or was she going crazy? _

_This had never happened to her before. This strange disbelief in every fact thrown her way, every fact that would usually make sense to her. And every time it was contradicted, she wanted to give up, to run away? How was that right?_

Ron words threw her out of her reverie. "What does that mean?" His voice changed suddenly, as the meaning of her words became clear to him. "So... you _did_ like me?" His voice was filled with hope, and her heart sank as she listened to him.

"Ron.... yes, at one point. But... not anymore. I don't know why. I just don't see you as anything more than a friend."

_Not anymore._

***

Hermione sat back in her seat on the Hogwarts Express, too exhausted to think of the journey ahead... or really anything for that matter.

Except, of course, the one thing that she wished she would never think about.

Severus.

She closed her eyes, willing herself to fall asleep, faintly grateful that they were in a compartment by themselves. It was hard enough with just the four of them, without Neville and Luna picking up on the tense silence, and the glares thrown around by the two red-heads.

The conversation with Ron had not gone as she had expected. She had known he would be angry, but she assumed he would at least understand that she wasn't interested. How could he expect her to be in love with him as he was her?

She assumed that he had been talking to Harry and Ginny about her, that both of them had believed her to be in love with him.

Of course, she couldn't really blame him, if she had seen the signs, she _would have_ said yes. Yet, that was before the loss of someone she hadn't known she cared about. Wasn't that another cliche: You don't know what you have, until it's gone?

Well, technically, she didn't _have _him.

Her brain grasped onto this new knowledge._ Could_ she have had him? Would he have opened up to her?

She mentally slapped herself. She needed to stop thinking about a man who had not only betrayed the Order, but had killed its leader. He didn't deserve her love.

Is that what she had for him? Love? Did she love him?

_Damn it, Hermione! Stop thinking about him!_

***

Hermione walked through the train station, trailing Harry, Ron, and Ginny, as Ron and Ginny hurried ahead, and Harry had to nearly run to catch up. She didn't mind, though, she wasn't really concentrating on them anyway.

Halfway along she looked up, suddenly self-conscious, the hairs on the back of her neck prickling uneasily. Her eyes met another's, and her step faltered as she saw in them something she recognized, an essence of someone else's eyes...

She stopped walking, her eyes captured by the stranger's... Were those _his _eyes? There it was, the same tightening of the lids as he kept his true feelings hidden, the same endlessness that circled through the depths of his eyes.

Suddenly, she realized where she was, and who she was staring at: someone who was obviously not Snape, for his complexion suggested he was in his early 20's, and curious for why she was looking at him.

Hermione turned forward stiffly, her expression set in a grimace as her fixation on Snape was made obvious. As her eyes focused on the scene before her, however, she realized that she had unconsciously walked in front of a pillar while intruding on a stranger's privacy.

Her breath caught in her throat, her face paling almost to the point where she was as white as sheet, staring at the poster before her.

It was a wanted poster, and the picture shown was none other than the man she had confessed her love of not too long ago. Tears streamed, unhindered, down her face, and the feelings she had held back for so long came flooding back.

She stared into his unmoving black eyes, the same ones that had haunted her dreams since the funeral of his victim. She felt her knees weaken, turning to jelly under his gaze. She tried vainly to pull herself back together, but only succeeded in clutching her cart to prevent herself from falling.

Her embarrassment got the better of her, however, and she walked away from it without a second glance, hoping no one had seen what had just taken place.

And no one had, unless you count two black, and very inquisitive, eyes.

***

Severus Snape watched as Hermione came into view slightly behind the two Weasleys and Potter, looking slightly preoccupied. She was walking slowly, allowing her friends to get ahead of her, which they seemed set on doing, whether or not Hermione tried to join them.

He frowned, wondering why they were on bad terms, before realizing what he was doing, and what the repercussions of that move could be. He set his face into its customary blankness, before looking back at Hermione with more curious, than uncaring eyes.

At that moment, she turned toward him, perhaps realizing that she was being watched, and met his eyes. He was surprised at the mixture of emotions that characterized the depths of her eyes. He felt as though he was staring into a mirror, watching his own eyes as they searched for some recognition within.

All at once, she turned away from him, the realization that she was looking at, in her view, a complete stranger probably dawning on her. He watched her with increasing curiosity, his eyes calculating every movement as she turned towards the poster that contained his unmoving image.

He watched as he saw her freeze, whether in fear or anger, he didn't know. But he soon found out that it was neither emotion, for tears were slowly cascading down her cheeks, uninterrupted and unstoppable. He sat back, stunned at this strange show of emotion. Had it not been only a moment ago when her eyes had held the same undisplayed emotions that his had always concealed?

His eyes followed her, noting the way she gripped the cart in front of her, the way she tried to pull herself together, as though she would fall if she just let go. (A/N: pun intended)

When she finally, to all appearances, pulled herself together, his eyes fell to her hands, where they showed white and tense as they gripped her cart. She walked away, and he was left with more questions than he could find answers to, and more reason to get away, before his thoughts chased each other down paths that he did not want them to travel down, not now.

_Not anymore._

_**************************************************************************************************_

A/N: Sorry about the wait. I uploaded the chapter this morning, but apparently, it didn't want to upload, so it hasn't been available on the site. Sorry about that. ~Fay-Fortchyn


	5. Falling Into Darkness

Chapter 5 Questions and Answers

Disclaimer: See previous chapters

Hermione walked faster up the platform to catch up with Harry, Ron, and Ginny, barely noticing that the trio had slowed its pace in her absence and weren't trying to keep her from approaching, as she had thought they would.

The previous encounter with a stranger had scared Hermione more than she wanted to admit, even to herself, and it made associating with and apologizing to Ron and Ginny seem almost fun, in comparison. She was just glad the stranger hadn't attained any suggestive thoughts about her. She shuddered involuntarily.

As she reached her three supposed friends, she paused in bewilderment. Ron was heading away from her at a faster pace, accompanied by a very confused Harry, who was apparently being dragged along by the former. They headed toward the crowd of people, mostly parents and kids being reunited after the long year apart, leaving Ginny and Hermione behind.

Hermione looked suspiciously at Ginny, wondering what her motive for slowing down could be.

"Hermione?" Ginny asked tentatively, after several moments of silence. After Hermione's encouraging nod, she continued, "I... I wanted to say I'm sorry. I was being stupid, expecting you to just fall in love with Ron. I thought it'd be cool, though, you know? I never... I didn't mean to be so angry at you." She trailed off, at a loss for what to say.

"I know. I don't think I meant for this to happen either. I mean... I love him, just not as anything more than a friend. I didn't expect... things to end up this way."

"It's alright, Hermione, he'll come around. He's already feeling bad about it... I think," Ginny said, more unhelpful than beneficial. Her face, however, was more transient than Hermione had seen it in more than a fortnight.

At her words, Hermione threw her arms around her friend, happy to be on good terms with her again. Displaying emotions was strangely satisfying, as her feelings had been kept hidden for what seemed like an eternity.

They both came away from the embrace feeling contented, and they walked toward the entrance with lighter hearts and some-what happier expressions. The haunted atmosphere that followed Hermione everywhere, however, stayed with her.

Hermione met her parents at the entrance, not surprised that both of them had opted to meet her here, to see her safely away from the train station. She was surprised, however, that they believed they had the ability to protect her from wizards. Not only would she not allow them to be anywhere near her should wizards attack, but they would be useless if a fight were to start.

She greeted them almost enthusiastically, knowing that she only had days left before she had to give them up in order to protect them. She followed them to their car, barely catching the whispered reminder sent her way by Mad-Eye Moody, whose eye was safely concealed behind a hat.

_Be at headquarters tonight at 7:00._

***

Hermione arrived at Grimmauld Place two seconds prior to the specified time, realizing belatedly that she didn't have the ability to get inside, as she wasn't the Secret Keeper.

Yet, as she approached the place, the apartment appeared before her, as though it had been there all along. Her uncomprehending eyes traveled along the exterior, before she drew up enough courage to enter.

As she entered the shabby house, she was enveloped by the heavenly scent of turkey and dressing. Mrs. Weasley was working in the kitchen, alone but for an annoyed Kreacher, who seemed to be trying to sneak out the opposite door.

At the sight of Hermione, Mrs. Weasley came hurrying forward, gesturing for her to head into a side door, saying, "Everyone's already arrived. They're right through here, dear."

Hermione slipped into the room and was met with the curious stares of about 20 people, most of whom had started fearfully at her unexpected entrance. They calmed down, though, at the sight of her, and as she moved across the room to join Ron and Harry, their eyes followed her speculatively.

"Alright, now that everyone's here," began Professor McGonagall from the front, demanding the attention of the entire room as easily as she did the thirty students in her own classroom.

"We can't stay here for too long, obviously, and we need to give out a few warnings for our newest members," she said, looking around at everyone and pausing on Harry, Ron, and Hermione, knowing that they needed the caution more than anybody.

Hermione looked away, memories of Dumbledore's leadership coming back to her piercingly, forcing her to recall the slight twinkling in his eyes as he looked at her and the strong aura that surrounded him, encircling everyone around him in warmth.

She pushed the thought away, but, as always, the thought of Dumbledore brought thoughts of her former professor to the forefront of her mind, and it was all she could do to not scream out in frustration at the feelings warring within her.

She tried desperately to pay attention to the words that McGonagall was imparting to them, words that they needed to remember, words that, most likely, Ron and Harry had already forgotten.

"Our new headquarters are going to be..."

Everything blurred, and she was falling, falling into darkness, a pair of luminescent black eyes watching her irresistibly as she fell.

She awoke seconds later, looking around her in utter embarrassment, before realizing belatedly that nobody had noticed her slip into unconsciousness. Everyone's eyes were still fixed on McGonagall, who, apparently, was still talking.

Hermione leaned forward in her chair, using all of her strength to keep listening, to keep herself from seeing Snape in her mind's eye, lurking ever nearer to her.

"...down Spinner's End," McGonagall said. She spread her hands in front of her and finished, "Well, that's all for now. We may be meeting sometime later this month at headquarters. The exact date will be known as we become more informed."

Hermione looked around her, wondering how much she had missed, if anything. Ron and Harry got up, both oblivious to her worries. Ron left the room, not acknowledging her presence, while Harry spared her a glance before following Ron.

She sighed, knowing that she would not get a straight answer out of either of them while they were on such bad terms. She considered for a moment talking to McGonagall, but decided against it. She wasn't one to make known her insecurities, and besides, she probably hadn't missed anything in the few moments she had been unconscious.

Declining dinner proved harder than Hermione expected, but she managed to leave Grimmauld Place only seconds later, ready to head home, despite the fact that she would have to begin her protection of her parents in only days.

_I can't do this._

***

Hermione took one last look at her empty house, before Apparating to headquarters, as McGonagall had requested via owl.

She appeared moments later on Spinner's End, landing mere feet from ten Death Eaters who were heading into the house opposite her, ignorant of her presence... for now.

Her breath constricted, her body froze, and all she could do was watch as they slowly ambled past her shadowed form. Suddenly a masked man turned around, looking precisely in her direction as he did so. All she could do was force herself to breathe even as he moved toward her still form.

_Damn._


	6. Alluring Warmth

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A/N: In Case of Confusion: Hermione protected her parents by sending them to Australia and erasing any memories they had of her or the wizard world. Sorry for any confusion on that score.

Also, the last chapter was called Falling Into Darkness, but I wrote a different chapter name for it, and the computer wouldn't allow me to go back and change it, so just overlook that little error.

Thank you for reading, I appreciate any reviews that are made. I don't know good the story is so far, but I hope you liked it, and continue to like the rest of it.

~ Fay-Fortchyn

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Chapter 6

Alluring Warmth

Disclaimer: See previous chapters. :)

Hermione was captivated by the stare of the man coming toward her. His mask concealed his face, but her thoughts clung to the idea that it was _him_ nearing her, that _he_ was there, ready to save her as he had so many times before.

In that moment, she didn't even care what this man would do to her, what he would say. It didn't matter, not now, not after all she had been through.

She just wanted to see_ his_ face again, to behold him as he stared at her with agitation, as he claimed her eyes without a thought.

Yet, for all her wanting, she couldn't help but cringe as the man came slowly toward her, never taking his eyes off of her unmoving form. The others around him didn't stop as he moved away from them, but they did turn their heads his way, before speeding up and entering the disheveled house.

As he neared her, Hermione regained some of the feeling in her legs, and stumbled slowly backward, trying to get away from him. Fear took over body, and her mind wouldn't allow her to think of the consequences of moving away, or the fact that no matter how far back she managed to get, he always came be two paces closer.

_Always._

When he reached her, she sat frozen in place on the ground, her back to the tree that had kept her from moving farther back, farther away.

His hands reached out toward her, roughly grabbing her shoulders and slamming her against the tree with enough force to make her dizzy.

His stern voice in her ear was the only thing connecting her to humanity.

"Why did you come here?"

At his words, her eyes snapped open and she searched his covered face as though it would reveal his appearance to her. Had she room to move, she would have shaken her head to clear it of the insanity that was passing through it.

Had that been _his_ voice she had heard? Could he really be here? Right here, in front of her?

At his irritated growl, she regained control of her brain and tried to think up a response to his question.

Was that _worry_ she had heard in his voice? For her?

"I..." she gasped, pain coming at her in waves as she tried to say something.

He must have realized that it hurt her to speak, for he moved away slightly, though his grip on her arms did not loosen.

Hermione tried again to speak and found that the pain had become at least bearable.

"I didn't mean to... I thought..." she struggled for words under his gaze, hoping he wouldn't realize that it wasn't just pain that brought her up short. His presence, the heat rolling off of him, all threatened to seduce her, to make her sway in a way she never had before.

"Are you stupid?" he asked, shaking her violently.

"I... What?" she asked, all other thoughts vanishing as she took in the meaning of his words, and the concern in his voice.

He was _concerned_ for her? He was concerned for_ her_?

He looked at her then, perhaps realizing what he was insinuating.

He drew closer to her, tightening his grip on her shoulders and breathing in her ear, "Do you realize what you've gotten yourself into, Ms. Granger?"

She shivered slightly, but looked back at him boldly, trying to at least appear as though she knew what was in store for her. At his slight chuckle, she knew it hadn't worked. He could probably feel the fear she was feeling.

"I don't think you do," he murmured silkily, sending yet more shivers down her spine.

"I... I..." she paused, swallowing thickly, before trying to pull herself back together.

"This is really intriguing... Hermione, are you actually affected by my presence?" he whispered.

At her name, she closed her eyes, trying to concentrate, to not let the tears slip out, the tears that always fell when she imagined this conversation.

"You should not be here," he said suddenly, venom stinging his words. He moved away from her, and before she could comprehend what he was doing, he Disapparated.

She sighed, and felt herself slide down the tree, her knees weak from the warmth of his presence, from his breath on her ear.

What had just happened? Had he really just left? Left her here without a single scratch on her? Well... without any serious injury? Or was she crazy? Had she just hallucinated the whole thing?

A gasp left her as the implications of the encounter became clear to her. He knew! He knew she liked him, that she wanted....

Her head fell into her hands and, with her remaining energy, she Disapparated back to her parent's house, too tired to care about the Order meeting, and the worried expressions that were probably on the faces of her best friends.


	7. Incessant Thoughts

Chapter 7 Incessant Thoughts

Disclaimer: Nothing is mine, it all belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Severus leaned against the door frame, his thoughts racing madly through his mind as he tried to pull himself together, to forget the memory of her shivering against him....

His fist connected angrily with the wall and it was all he could do to keep his thoughts fixed on the Death Eaters who were in the room to his right, not too far from him.

He willed his mind to quiet, and slowly approached the adjacent room, filled with the slowly unwinding followers of the Dark Lord, fresh from a particularly nasty meeting, and ready to spend the night talking of the next meeting.

***

Hours later, as he sat back on his couch, stretching his legs out near the fire, his mind still would not allow him to rest without repeating that scene over and over again, each time from a different perspective.

Even his body was betraying him, flushing every time he remembered the way she felt under his touch, the way she practically surrendered herself to him.

_Why?_

Why had she acted that way? Did she _want_ him? Did she want _him?_

His thoughts chased each other around, trying to find a reason for her actions.

Maybe she did want him... or, at least, she liked him, perhaps more than anyone else would, especially because of his recent injustices. Given the way she had responded to his face on the wanted poster at the station, she obviously felt something for him.

He had assumed she merely hated him, as everyone else did, because of what had conspired between him and Dumbledore. Yet, had she not shivered under him, as he whispered in her ear?

Or was he wrong?

Was he so desperate to find love that the slightest _shiver_ would elicit that emotion in him?

Was he crazy?

What had happened to the shielded man that never showed any emotion? How could he ever forgive himself for acting that way? For acting like a foolish teenager?

His eyes widened for a fraction of a second, before they narrowed. He had left her with nothing to make her believe he was a Death Eater. If she had any sense, she would know he had just saved her life.

What else could he have done?

Another second with her, and he didn't know what he would have done... That was why he had Disapparated, he hadn't trusted himself to even have the power to walk away from her, without turning right back around and claiming her lips, pulling her to him....

He closed his eyes, trying to keep the incessant thoughts away.

Why was he letting her get to him? _Her?_ The know-it-all who he had berated every single time he had the chance to. The only girl who could get to him, leave him seething with anger at her brashness.

And anyway, how had she even come to like him? _Him?_ Wasn't he the greasy bat of the dungeons, out to get everyone he happened to have a slight prejudice against?

The whys of the situation danced around in his brain, warring against each other, each one trying to find a reason that she could like him... even want him.

_Why?_

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A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short, but I'll update again soon, I promise. Review, if you wish.

~Fay-Fortchyn

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	8. Insufferable Questions

Chapter 8 Insufferable Questions

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor do I make money off of this story.

Hermione sat down heavily on the couch in what had once been her parent's living room. The empty feeling that followed her only grew more potent as she stared around the empty house.

She held back tears and shivered again, just as she had near the body of her former professor.

How had she come to this? What had happened to her?

Hermione wondered idly what Snape was thinking now, after the experience he had just had, the new revelations he had uncovered.

Her head spun as she pondered the implications of her rapid breathing and throbbing heart beat... and her shivering.

He was probably laughing at her, smirking at how susceptible she really was...

Or was he disgusted? Disgusted that a dirty... mudblood... like her would want him? Disgusted that an 'insufferable know-it-all' would think to shiver under his touch?

Tears streaked down her face, and she sat back on the couch, letting them fall.

Suddenly, a knock sounded on her front door, and she hastily wiped the tears from her face, and swept toward the door, knowing, without a doubt, who it was.

Just as she had thought, Harry appeared before her, obviously worried.

"'Mione!" Harry said, coming forward and hugging her, before he stepped back to take in her appearance. Hermione was grateful that he hadn't notice her slight flinch at the pain in her shoulders, as he held her.

At his widening eyes, she remembered the twigs that were probably in her hair, and the dirt that had never left her pants from when she had slid to the ground.

She groaned inaudibly and looked Harry in the eye, willing him to not ask questions.

He didn't catch the look in her eyes, though, as he was examining her with concern.

"What happened to you, Hermione? I thought you'd just skipped... but..." his words drifted into the strained silence, and he dropped his head guiltily.

"Nothing happened, Harry, I just... took a little walk."

"So you _did_ skip?" Harry asked, his voice filled with disbelief. "But... 'Mione, you never skip."

"I know... I just..." she began hesitantly, but before she could get any farther, Ginny came through the door, looking livid.

"Harry, I told you to wait for me! I told you..." she stopped, suddenly, as she caught of sight of Hermione, and the next thing either of them knew, Ginny was hugging Hermione tightly, her words lost in a whirl of red.

Hermione flinched in pain, and Ginny stepped back, her face surprised.

"'Mione... you okay?"

"Yeah... yes, I'm fine, Ginny."

"But... what happened to your shoulder?" Ginny asked, stepping forward to look intently at her, with Harry coming forward to stand immediately to her right.

"Look at this Ginny... All of these leaves in her hair," Harry said, pointing at the twigs in Hermione's hair.

Hermione pushed his arm away and took a step back. "Would you please stop acting as though I'm not right in front of you? Honestly, Harry. I told you I took a walk outside. I tripped accidentally on my way back in, that's all."

She paused, wondering why she was lying to her friends. Not only had they trusted her with their thoughts, but they had trusted her to tell them hers.

Why was she changing this way? So drastically? When had she started lying to her friends?

When had she cared enough about something to lie to protect it?

And why was she lying about _him_, of all people. After what had just happened, shouldn't she just move on with her life, and put him out of her mind? It was obvious he wasn't interested in her, so why was she still obsessed with him?

Hermione ushered a stunned Harry and Ginny out the door, before they saw through her crumbling shield and into her deepest, darkest secrets.

Unbeknownst to her, a figure swept out of the garden, the shadows hiding him as he crept away from his former students.

***

Severus Snape walked quickly away from Hermione's house, easily avoiding being caught. His thoughts spun even faster than they had before, as new knowledge filled his brain.

He had gone there to try to figure out the mystery that was Hermione Granger, but he left now with more questions than he had answers.

Did she really like him? Or had she been merely frightened?

He had supposed, as he saw Potter approach the door, that she would share with him her account of the experience she had had only a few hours ago. Yet, there she had been, lying to his face, and to the Weasley girl's, acting as if nothing had happened, as if he had never seduced her.

_Why?_

Did she truly like him? Is that why she was keeping her encounter with him a secret?

Or was she ashamed? Ashamed that she had been touched by someone as disgusting as him?

He neared the corner that led away from her house and Disapparated on the spot, his cloak swirling faintly in the wind as it swept away with him.


	9. In the Midst of a Solution

Chapter 9 In the Midst of a Solution

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

Ginny sat watching Harry pace in front of her, her own thoughts ringing in her ears as she tried to figure out the reasoning behind Hermione's sudden loss of the... well... Hermione-ish things that had always characterized her.

As Harry came her way for what could have been the hundredth time, Ginny held up a hand, stopping him in his path.

At his questioning glance, she said, "I can't think with you pacing... it's distracting."

"Oh. Sorry," Harry replied, sitting down beside her.

Ginny leaned into his shoulder and sighed. She was tired and vaguely fearful of Hermione's actions, but she felt happy that Harry, at least, would always be by her side.

"What do you think is wrong with her?" Ginny asked.

"Dunno," said Harry, running a hand through his ruffled hair and continuing, "She doesn't usually act this way... unless she's angry or..." he trailed off, his suspicions slowly fading from his thoughts.

"Hmmm..." Ginny whispered, and then she burst out, "Unless she's hiding something."

Harry looked at her in bewilderment, wondering how that characteristic could possibly be applied to Hermione, and how Ginny had come up with it.

"It makes sense, Harry, because that's the way she acts when she doesn't want to talk about something that's personal," Ginny offered by way of an explanation.

At Harry's dubious and doubtful expression, she sighed and tried to explain to him the thoughts of a girl. "Anytime I wanted to talk about boys, she'd always blush and refuse to tell me anything, or she'd stammer that she didn't like anyone. I always thought she was lying, but..."

Ginny stopped her rambling as Harry scooted a bit closer to her. "You talked about boys with her? Was I ever mentioned?" he asked, and at her instant blush, he wrapped his arms around her.

"Harry, that's not what we were talking about. What about Hermione?" Ginny asked, but as Harry's lips neared hers, her accusations were forgotten in the heat of the moment.

***

Ron paced in his own room, two doors down from the couples', trying to fight the depressing sadness that pushed down on him every time he thought of Hermione.

How could she not like him?

And, better yet, why had she never told him?

Him? He was her best friend... supposedly.

He tried to stop thinking about her, but his mind wouldn't allow him to break the protective barrier he'd always surrounded her with, at least in his mind.

What was really bothering her?

He pulled at his red hair, wondering why in the world he was even caring about Hermione at this point. She had broken his heart, for Merlin's sake! She didn't deserve his compassion.

He fled to his bed, his thoughts turning unconsciously to Harry, before he realized what he was doing, and his mind became enraptured with Hermione once again.

He closed his eyes,allowing the thoughts to fill his mind... using reverse psychology on his own brain, maybe it would work.

A few moments later he felt himself falling asleep, and a relieved expression fixed itself upon his features.

He was stopped in his fall to unconsciousness, however, as a bright light appeared through the crack in the door. With a sudden movement, the door burst open, and Ginny stumbled into the room, looking flushed.

"Gin! What are you doing?" he yelled angrily, turning away from her and the blinding light.

"Sorry, Ron... It's only eight, why are you sleeping?" Ginny queried, as she closed the door silently.

"Can't I sleep when I want to?"

Ginny jumped slightly at the edge in his voice, before saying indignantly, "Not with that attitude."

Ron groaned and muttered, "What do you want?"

Ginny smiled timidly, before replying, "I just wanted you to know that Hermione's sorry about..."

Ron interrupted her, his ears a deep shade of red, "Don't talk to me about her!"

Ginny stood behind him quietly for a few moments before whispering, "She wants to be your friend, Ron."

Ron opened and closed his mouth a few times, and then thankfully shut it when he heard the door open and close as Ginny left the room.

Thoughts of rest left his mind as this new information entered it, and he didn't fall back asleep until hours later, when his mind finally exhausted itself with thoughts of Hermione... and her sorrow.

_I can't do this._

_***_

As Ginny went back into the room she secretly shared with Harry, she marveled at Ron's level of hatred toward anything that concerned Hermine.

How could she have done that to him?

Ginny put this thought out of her mind the moment it dared to enter, knowing that it wasn't Hermione's fault.

Ginny wouldn't usually have been so reluctant to see her friend in such a light, because of what she had done to Ron, but at the possibility of Hermione liking someone else, her ever-girly thoughts turned to Hermione's possible lover... and why she would be hiding him.

Who could it be?

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A/N: Hi, it's me again. Sorry, I know there's no Hermione or Severus in this chapter, it was really boring to write, but it had to be done. Anyway, I hope you like it.

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	10. Developing Shadows

Chapter 10 Developing Shadows

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

In the morning, Hermione Apparated to the Burrow, where Harry and Ron were currently staying. Harry was allowed to stay there for awhile, mainly because of the Weasley's generosity, but also because the majority of Ron's brothers had moved out upon, and prior to, the death of Dumbledore.

On her arrival, Hermione looked sadly upon the house of her... best friend, knowing that it might be awhile before she was able to see it again, if, of course, the plan to go after the horcruxes was still intact.

Hermione hurried inside, wanting to get the initial contact between her and Ron out of the way, so that she wouldn't have to dwell on what would definitely be a distasteful experience throughout the day.

Ron was the first person she saw when she walked through the door and, as she suspected, he looked competely taken aback at her sudden presence. The glass he had been holding fell to the floor at his feet, and his eyes widened in what may have been fear, had surprise not hidden his second reaction.

Hermione swallowed thickly, but said in a soft voice, nonetheless, "Hi, Ron... Is Harry here? I need to talk to him... and to you."

The surprise never left his eyes, not even when he answered in a murmur, "Dunno... but, I guess I need to talk to you, too. About something different."

It was Hermione's turn to be surprised, as she hadn't expected him to bring up that particular conversation.

"Ummm, sure," was all Hermione could say in response..

"Okay... I think Harry's busy right now... with Ginny." His dislike of the couple's actions was made evident by the wrinkling of his nose, and the reddening of his ears.

Hermione nearly smiled, but Ron's quick change in mood seconds later compelled her to also take on an expression of sadness.

"What did you want to talk about?" Hermione asked, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Ron grimaced, but replied, his voice rough, "I wanted to say I'm sorry. I was being an idiot... expecting you to like me. It was stupid..." Ron looked uncomfortable as he finished the sentence, his ears turning, if possible, even more red.

Hermione shifted her weight, embarrassed just as he was, and said, "It's alright, I should have told you something."

"Yeah..." Ron whispered, before turning his back on her and walking out the door, the tension becoming too overwhelming for him.

Hermione's head slipped into her hands, their conversation making her wonder at how they had grown so far apart. Why was it so uncomfortable to be in his presence?

She felt so self-conscious near him, as though he was watching her every action, and she felt as though any wrong remark could lead him to be even more attracted to her.

Before all of this had happened, she would have made it a point to try to make him like her more than he did.

_Not anymore._

Why did things have to change so dramatically? So unalterably?

***

"Severus," a high-pitched, cold voice whispered.

Severus stayed seated beside Voldemort's side even as the other Death Eaters left the room. It was not often that he was asked to stay, but it was not too rare, either.

_Hmmm... a paradox._

"I hear you had a ... visitor," Voldemort said, as the last Death Eater disappeared from sight.

Severus' thoughts whirled, rushing through possibilities and resting on...

Granger.

_Damn._

Voldemort searched his unchanged eyes, seeking an answer to his question. Severus tried to think of a proper explanation, but none would come to his mind... at least, none that would not show her in a rather tempting light.

Yet, in situations like this, he deemed it better to, at the very least, allow a semblance of truth to slip into his words.

And the only truth he could come up with, the only truth that would not make his heart race, or get her into too much trouble was:

"Yes, a certain... Hermione Granger."

She, of course, had brought herself into this game, appearing suddenly just outside his house, looking for all the world like a delightful distraction, if any Death Eater had seen her terrified form... or felt her shivering.

"Hermione Granger?" Voldemort asked quietly, pondering. "Is she not the Mudblood friend of Potter's?"

Severus had long since trained himself to not flinch at the filthy word as it passed through his master's lips.

He answered readily enough, "Yes, that is she."

"What happened? Why is she not here as a gift for me?" asked Voldemort, his red eyes flashing in the dim light cast by the fire.

"She Dissapparated before I could reach her," was the only excuse Severus could think of to give in the present situation.

Yet a part of his brain was still puzzling out the question that it had meandered upon at the thought of Hermione appearing in his front yard.

Why _had_ she come there?

Had she wanted to speak with him?

Or had she merely gotten lost?

And why had he never thought to figure this out before?

He stopped his thought process as Voldemort's eyes bored into his.

After delving into his mind and seeing his words for truth, at least as far as he could see, Voldemort merely said, "Well... revenge brings satisfaction, doesn't it?"

_Revenge?_

***

Harry came into the kitchen thirty minutes after the awkward converstion between Hermione and Ron, his face flushed, but his eyes serious.

Hermione was sitting in a chair at the table, a book propped in front of her. She was the only occupant in the room, which was to be expected, as everyone in residence had already eaten breakfast, and so had no reason to be In the kitchen.

"Hey, Mione. Ron said you wanted to talk," Harry said as he sat down on the chair opposite hers.

"Yeah, I thought we should. Where is he?"

"Right here," said a voice from the hallway, and Ron came into the room seconds later.

Harry broke the suddenly tense silence, sensing that neither Hermione nor Ron would make an attempt to start the conversation.

"So, what did you wanna talk about?" he asked Hermione, who, at his words, seemed to realize that it was her turn to direct the discussion.

"Are we going to go through with the plan?"

"Of course," Harry replied immediately, his face a mixture of confusion and determination. "Why wouldn't we?"

The tense silence that followed seemed to answer his question.

"I was thinking we could start this weekend, then," murmured Hermione.

"Yeah, I think so, too," said Harry contemplatively. "But I wanted to visit Godric's Hollow first."

"Yeah, okay," Hermione said.

Ron, who had sat silent throughout their exchange, got up and walked toward the door, whispering as did so, "That sounds fine."

***

_This has to stop._

Hermione woke up in disarray after another nightmare that happened to involve the only person who could make her wake up shivering in fear... and something else, something that, her brain was telling her, she probably should not dwell on.

Severus.

The name appeared in her thoughts just as she decided she would never think it again... not in that way.

How could she not, though?

The only way that she could possibly solve this problem was to confront it head on. This, however, would mean she would have to talk to him... again.

The thought made her fearful, yet a certain part of her was wishing he was already there with her, laying mere inches away from her.

Her mind made up she drifted back to sleep, only half aware that she had just agreed to visit a murderer... a person whom she did not entirely trust.

Yet, it has to be done... doesn't it?

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A/N: I don't know if I got Ron's personality right in this one, but I hope I did.  
Thank you for those who have read and reviewed this story! Please let me know what you think of this chapter. I know things are going a little slow between Hermione and Severus, but it'll start going faster, I promise.

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	11. Giving In

Chapter 11 Giving In

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, it's all JKR's.

Hermione woke up the following morning, rubbing her head, absently brushing through her hair with her fingers. Her hand stopped halfway down, though, as she remembered the path she had resolved to follow the night before.

Had she really expected herself to confront Snape?

Hermione frowned. His last name echoing in her mind felt... different. But, she berated herself, she _had_ practically insisted on calling him 'Severus' in her thoughts. She shook her head to clear it, and tried to remember the reasons that had filled with determination to see ... him.

Hermione stretched, and winced slightly at the pain in her shoulder that had never quite gone away. She scooted to the edge of the bed, her feet dangling off.

She knew she had to stop thinking about Severus, that it would be a weakness when her, Harry, and Ron left the wizarding world to try and find Voldemort's remaining horcruxes. And, as she had figured out before, the only possible way to do that was to go and see him.

Why?

Hermione couldn't really figure out the answer to that question, but she had a feeling that if she were to merely forget him... She shuddered involuntarily... it would be too painful.

Had she really grown so attached that she would be in pain if she couldn't rely on his image being always present in her mind?

The thoughts were stopped, almost as though they had never been thought, as Hermione remembered her predicament.

If she were to visit him, could she count on his generosity this time? Would he hurt her?

Was it worth it to take the chance? Or was she merely giving excuses so as to convince herself that she had to see him?

It was true that she wanted to see him... to feel him... again, but the more sensible part of her mind was reminding her that he did not feel the same way about her.

Hermione narrowed her eyes, frustrated at the questions, the possibilities, that would not let her decide on an answer.

She would talk to him.

The words appeared in her mind so unexpectedly, that for a moment she thought they weren't hers.

She knew though, somehow, that they were true, that she would never forgive herself for not going, even if she ended up dying because of it.

Hermione didn't even bother to reprimand herself for the stupid thought, deciding that she would not allow herself to be ignorant of her true feelings anymore... no matter how much it might cost her.

***

Twenty minutes later, Hermione, dressed and somewhat determined, walked down the stairs. She had decided, as she had taken her shower, that it would be better to tell Harry and Ron that she was leaving, just in case something unfortunate should happen.

She was trying not to dwell too much on what the repercussions could be if her plan went wrong, but a sliver of fear was still apparent in her stance.

Hermione swallowed.

As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she noticed McGonagall, Tonks, and Kingsley whispering in the hallway, apparently ignorant of her presence.

Her inference, however, was proved wrong, for, as she made to manuever around them, McGonagall spoke, resting her hand on Hermione's arm.

"Hermione, I was hoping I could talk to you for a moment, if you're not busy."

Hermione looked into her former Transfiguration teacher's face, wondering if she knew that Hermione had been planning to leave only moments later. "I'm not busy," Hermione responded hesitantly.

McGonagall nodded, and led Hermione out of the house and into the garden, whispering a good-bye to the other Order members.

McGonagall spoke first, her words conveyed by the wind to Hermione, "I assume you, Potter, and Weasley are set on carrying out the mission Dumbledore has imparted to you?"

"Yes," Hermione responded, her gaze shifting to the sky as Dumbledore's name was mentioned.

"Then am I also right in assuming you are about to embark on a little mission of your own?"

Hermione's eyes snapped back to McGonagall's, her surprise evident. Apparently, McGonagall had inherited her predecessor's uncanny ability to know everything that was happening.

"... Yeah, I had wanted to...," Hermione began, trying to explain, but McGonagall interrupted her.

"I don't want to intrude, I just wanted to tell you to be careful," McGonagall said, her lips tightening.

Hermione swallowed as she had earlier, and nodded.

***

After a hurried breakfast and explanation, Hermione managed to make it out the door without having to worry about more suspicions growing in her absence. She made her way to the end of the drive and Disapparated.

Hermione landed in the same place she had Apparated to almost two days ago, aware that this time there were not Death Eaters standing mere feet from her. In fact, there appeared to be nobody in sight all down the rather untidy looking street.

Hermione sighed, relieved, though a bit worried: What if he wasn't home?

She mentally shook herself and prepared herself to meet the man that had taken up every thought in her mind since she had stood so close to him two nights ago.

A knock on the door with trembling fingers brought a muffled curse and footsteps from inside.

Hermione braced herself, feeling more nervous than she ever had. What would she give to be battling Voldemort himself at that moment?

Too late.

The door opened and there, standing in the shadows, was Severus Snape.

At the sight of him, Hermione's thoughts: her questions, her doubts, her fear, slipped away, to be replaced by hope. Hope... and terror.

His face, shrouded as it was by the darkess, looked cold and foreboding, but she could see the surprise, the disbelief on his face... and also a glint of something... something that looked horribly like... hope.

Hermione stared at him for a moment, lost in his eyes, before coming to her senses and, with a quivering smile, saying, "Good afternoon, Professor."

A quick, searching glance was all the reply she was afforded.

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A/N: Hey, readers! Another chapter is up. I'm so sorry it took so long to get it out, but I haven't had much time lately.  
But I promise I will definitely have the next chapter up this weekend.  
Reviews, of course, are always welcome. I love to hear what you think of the story, even if you don't like it. ~ Fay-Fortchyn

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	12. It's Not Just Me

Chapter 12 It's Not Just Me

Disclaimer: See previous chapters.

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**A/N**: FYI: The first part of this chapter is Severus' POV just after the meeting with Voldemort, before Hermione arrives at his house for the second time.  
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Severus returned to his house, unable to forget the conversation between himself and the Dark Lord.

Why had he told Voldemort about Hermione?

He had understood his reasons at the time, and he still technically understood them, but he had not factored 'revenge' into the equation. Why should he take revenge? What had she done to him? She had Disapparated (as Voldemort thought), why should that merit his rage?

He supposed, though, that Voldemort had concluded that Hermione's appearance had been an annoyance to him. This deduction _could_ be seen as true, as he had helped Voldemort to believe that, but... He sighed.

And why was she suddenly 'Hermione'?

Severus realized he was pacing back and forth in his living room, and sat down heavily on the couch. He groaned, wondering what he had done to deserve this.

Oh... right.

He forced his bitter thoughts away from the crimes he had committed, and instead turned them back to Hermione.

Hopefully, he would never see her again. Most likely, she would not complete her seventh year at Hogwarts, and if she did, well... she would be dead no matter what he did to alter that fate.

Besides, hadn't Dumbledore said that her and the two dunderheads were helping in some way to defeat Voldemort?

Severus winced as worry filled him. What if something happened to ... her?

What was wrong with him?

Severus drew the wall around his thoughts so tight and so fast that he flinched. He would not think of her in that way, it could -it would- only result in pain. He didn't think he could deal with any more pain, not after everything that had happened to him... because of him.

He couldn't hurt her, too.

He closed his eyes, fatigue gnawing at him.

Sleep, as it always did, eluded him. Even as tired as he was, his body would not allow him to rest.

He didn't know how long he lay there, allowing thoughts to fill his mind and slip away, too tired to really notice what he was thinking.

***

The next day, Severus got up early, though he had managed to get only a few hours of sleep. He was used to waking up before the sun, and today wasn't an exception.

The morning passed without any high points, as usual, and before Severus knew it, the sun was beginning its dissent, the weather becoming, by degrees, colder.

He sat down, his thoughts strangely absent; his mind filled with a sort of... not exactly peace, but as close as he could possibly come to placidity. Spreading out on the couch, Severus allowed himself to drift off into sleep.

A resounding knock startled him from his slumber and he cursed.

What bothersome person would insist upon depriving him of the only sleep he had managed to get in the past two days.... and even longer?

He opened the door, the light blinding him momentarily, and noticed...

Hermione.

Of course, Hermione Granger, the irksome, insufferable know-it-all, had to be the one to interrupt and irritate him.

Wait. He backtracked, disbelieving. _Hermione_? Hermione was _here_?

His eyes widened as he took in the sight before him. There she was, her curly brown hair streaming behind her in the wind, her complexion fearful, of course: he must look ghastly standing in the shadows, and... hopeful?

As his eyes alighted on hers, he felt his heart warm, and he remembered the way she had felt against him when he had seduced her two nights ago. Consecutively, he was thankful for the darkness that hid him partially from view, keeping her unaware of how the memory of her affected him.

Suddenly she spoke, her voice trembling, yet determined, "Good afternoon, Professor."

His eyes swept over her, still surprised, though they didn't show it, at her presence.

Was she really here? Or was he dreaming?

He decided on the former, and, as was characteristic, raised an eyebrow at her, prompting her to explain why she had intruded upon him.

His mind, as it was analyzing the situation, brought up the question:

Why was she even here? Was she here to do what she had not accomplished the other night? And what would that be, if she was?

Severus watched as she swallowed, looking down, before saying hesitantly, "I... I wanted to talk to you."

A smirk appeared on his face, and he said, "I can see that. I believe we are talking."

Hermione blushed, and said, "I meant ...." But words failed her and her blush deepened as his smirk grew more prominent.

Hermione raised her brown eyes to his black ones, her brain still trying to finish the sentence, and noticed his mirth leave and understanding take its place. Her brow creased in thought.

"Never mind. Come inside," Severus muttered, turning on his heel with his black cloak swirling behind him, leading her inside. Hermione, though surprised, followed him, closing the door behind her.

Her mouth fell open as she walked inside. Whatever she had been expecting of the interior, it was not this. Of course, she had known the majority of the living room would be black, yet somehow she had thought it would be a little less... nice.

Technically, it could have been prettier, but given the outlook of the exterior of the house, the interior was very well-kept.

Something felt wrong about it, though, something Hermione couldn't quite place. But, looking at the curtains and the furniture she realized what it was: there was no warmth here, no life. It was as if nobody even lived here.

"Sit."

Hermione narrowed her eyes at his commands, but obeyed them anyway, fearful of his response should he retaliate. She sat on the couch, her eyes filling with sadness as she took in her surroundings.

"What's wrong?" Severus asked, realizing too late his mistake.

Hermione looked at him, chaos in her eyes, her sadness abated by his question.

Severus mentally cursed himself, and was about to change the subject, when Hermione replied, "Why do you even care?"

Severus felt astonishment replace his usual masked expression. He was shocked by the, Was it pain?, in her voice and her bold, chastising words.

Hermione was shaking, fear and anger clashing together in her mind. Had she really just said that? Was she crazy? She hadn't meant to say it, but all of the emotions that had plagued her over the last week seemed to have finally taken hold of her.

Hermione froze as Severus opened his mouth to answer her:

"I don't know."

She could have sworn her heart had stopped.

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**A/N**: I told you I would update, and I am so glad I was able to. I had so much fun writing this chapter and I hope you have just as much fun reading it. Review, please!

**Reviewer Responses:**  
notwritten – Thank you for reviewing! I think you've reviewed every chapter so far. :)  
Alchemelia – Thank you for giving me your honest opinion. I really appreciate it. Hopefully this chapter has cleared some things up for you, but if not, maybe the next couple of chapters will.  
~Fay-Fortchyn  
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	13. Dizzying Effects

Chapter 13 Dizzying Effects

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, their all JKR's.

Hermione stared in shock at Severus, her heart pumping in her chest. Did he really just say that? Did he just admit that he cared? About her? She took a deep breath, willing herself to calm.

Severus was looking away from her, embarrassed, she could tell, and apparently lost in thought. Of course, she could hardly blame him, it must have been hard to reveal even the slightest hint of his personality to her. A part of her was _warmed_ by his caring, by the fact that she wasn't the only one who was exasperated at the idea of falling in love...

Did he love her? Or was he merely so used to the idea of protecting others that she was just another victim to him? Another victim that needed protection?

Hermione tried to push the thoughts away, but she could already feel the warm feeling leaving her.... leaving her in the darkness yet again. She looked down, too overwhelmed to come up with a response to his words.

Severus watched Hermione out of the corner of his eye, watched a smile flit across her face, a face already so delighted, if surprised, at his words. He watched her look his way, taking in his expression while believing he was looking the other way. He could almost feel the jubilation that was exuding from her.

And then he felt it disappear. He looked at her, mildly startled, and at her expression, the pain in her eyes, he wanted to go to her, comfort her, hold her close.

He didn't, though. He didn't move except to say, "Why did you come here?" These weren't the words he had wanted to say, the words that he barely kept from leaving his mouth, the words that would alert her to how he felt about her. He had, at the very least, provided a distraction for her.

Hermione forced her eyes away from the floor when she heard him speak, grateful for something to occupy her thoughts. She had forgotten where they were and what she had come here for, but at his words it all came flooding back to her: the indecision, the nervousness...

Suddenly she just wanted to leave, to tell him that she hadn't meant to come here, that it had merely been a mistake. She wanted to leave his presence, the presence that enticed her, left her trembling...

But... he wouldn't let her go without an answer....

And did she really want to leave?

She looked at him, at his composed expression, and replied in a surprisingly even tone, "I wanted to see you."

"See me?" Severus repeated with his usual smirk. Hermione noticed, though, that it wasn't as prominent as it had been when she had arrived.

"Yes," Hermione replied simply.

Severus stared at her, wondering how he should reply to that statement. He had not expected her to be so ... forward with her thoughts.

"And why might that be?" he asked, moving slightly closer to her from his position on the chair that sat opposite the couch she was occupying.

Hermione swallowed thickly as she watched him move forward, closer to her, their knees inches from each other. He must know the effect he was having on her. A blush creeped up her neck, and she muttered, "You know why."

Severus chuckled at her words, the way she gazed at him, almost captivated by his presence.

At his quiet laugh, Hermione narrowed her eyes, embarrassed and angry at his reaction to her emotions. She started to get up, acting on impulse, not exactly sure what she was doing, when, as she turned her back to him, he murmured, "Wait."

Hermione rotated slowly, afraid and entranced at the same time. What she saw when she turned around took her breath away.

For one thing, Severus was standing about a foot from her, closer than he ever had since the night that so many things had changed. She wanted to go to him, be embraced by him once more, feel him pressed against her.

For another, he was looking down at her with concern.... and sorrow? Her heart melted under his gaze, and she stood frozen.

Severus looked down at her, torn between apologizing, and just leaving her there. He wanted so much to comfort her, but what comfort would she find in his arms? What comfort could _he_ possibly provide?

He looked away, pain seeping into him, his expression masked once again.

Hermione stepped forward, drawing his gaze to hers, and whispered, "What's wrong?"

Severus' breath faltered as he heard the concern in her words, as he saw the worry on her face... and the care... All for him. He didn't deserve this... her.

He turned his back to her and muttered, "Hermione.... Ms. Granger, you should leave. It will not be long until you find yourself in an even worse situation than the one you previously encountered here." He stepped through a door, closed it, and, with a spell, locked it.

Hermione heard him leave, heard the door close and lock, but her mind still couldn't grasp the fact that he had left, left her here without so much as a good-bye.

She turned around, tears stinging her cheeks, and walked out of his house. Only when the cool air hit her face did she realize that she must have spent hours in there.

Harry and Ginny would be worried sick. And probably Ron, too.

And she hadn't even solved the problem that had led her here.

Hermione sighed and, after wiping the tears from her eyes, Disapparated.

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A/N: Wow... that was a fun chapter. I had meant there to be more talking and explaining, but... oh well. I like it anyways. Thank you to all my wonderful reviewers!

~Fay-Fortchyn

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